Stressfull Mediocrity
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "LadyDraykona" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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11:57 pm
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i'd just like ta say....
i went to a wine tasting tonight. Really, honestly, mostly i could give a crap about wine. I know a few brands/types and am actually fairly decent with pairing wines and foods, but I don't care what kind of grapes or aging or barrels went into the actual process. It's more like *takes sip* "this is a white wine, but it is surprisingly tart and dry enough to go with tender or rare-cooked beef, like sirloin tips or a very juicy prime rib steak."
It was just a good time drinking with friends, really. Even if they got silly and "sneaky" about things no one would care about. It feels good to be mischievous when there's no reason.
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10:39 pm
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editing
It's egotistical, maybe, but I really like going back through things I wrote and re-reading them. I realized I really need to properly archive some of my writing. I also realized that I have very few "polished" and finished pieces. There comes a point where the editing is very fine-tuned and it's not as obvious where changes need to be made - especially when I'm freshly working with a piece, and very protective of my ideas. I realized that while the editors I had in college were not always the best, they did have more emotional distance from my work and not ALL of their notes were moronic and if they "didn't get it" maybe it wasn't there to get. I also forgot my own ending, and was surprised, which was kind of neat.
So I've gone back over a piece that I haven't looked at since my junior or senior year of college. I can see a couple areas that need more refining because the character is acting... well, out of character for the way I set them up. I am going to put some effort into this, make my easy changes and add/change the scenes that will guide the characters actions.
Then I will need an editor. Someone to answer questions about the direction of the piece...
Anyone willing to edit, or who knows of cheap but good editing services, please let me know. Also, if anyone knows of lit mags or something similar... If I can be happy with the way this turns out, I may want to try and get it published. So those suggestions are welcome too.
Current Location: Cranston, RI
Current Mood:  hopeful
Tags: writer's block, writing
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11:21 pm
[Link] | Here it is, another Saturday where I haven't even gotten out of my pajamas. Just lounging on the futon, watching DVDs from Netflix alone. Apparently I got all my socializing out yesterday. It's awfully late in the day to decide that it's lame and want to do something - yet I do. Oh well.
I don't know why I can't bring myself to do things like get dressed, or why I'm finding Party of Five so heart-wrenching... but then, I'm a little over-sensitive to everything, and it is a pretty good show.
I so need a reason to get dressed on weekends. And I so never have one.
Current Mood:  bored
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07:18 pm
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The fire department is on their way.
Holy geez, why am I such a psychopath who never considers the consequences of her well-intentioned yet ridiculous actions?
Current Mood:  embarrassed
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11:25 pm
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My Harlequin Romance
Feisty Ingrid is so embarrassed. Her husband took off to the Australian Outback with millions in embezzled funds and she discovered he'd been cheating on her for years! Now Ingrid is broke and brokenhearted—shutting out everything except her family and her twin sons' NASCAR careers.
Cowboy Rob can hardly believe that the coy woman he meets is an award-winning writer who the tabloids can't stop talking about. His code of honor demands that he help her, but while he advises coy Ingrid on her financial affairs and she introduces him to the world of NASCAR, he begins to wonder if he can teach her to trust a man again—and let him into her heart...
http://www.harlequincelebrates.com/mystory.php
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Taylor Swift - Picture to Burn
Tags: meme
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11:25 pm
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partaking and th quixotic quandry
1. Put your iTunes/Ruckus/Napster/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag however many friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.
************************************************************
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Stoke 9 - Not Nothin'
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Great Big Sea - Fast As I Can
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Great Big Sea - Night Pat Murphy Died
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
OAR - Love and Memories
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Rush - The Trees
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Led Zepplin - Babe I'm Gonna Leave You
*tagging is dumb. if you, too, wanna partake in silly memes, go ahead!
Quandry:
boys are stupid. They are hard to understand, often out of sync with what girls want, generally selfish, don't listen, whine...
So why do I want one all the damn time?
I mean, I like boys. I like bein held, and being told i'm pretty... and i know this has gone unresolved for like, 8 years - why need a boy when they're so much trouble, but i just can't help it.
And now, because I can't find the poem I was LOOKING for, here's some other ones. Lyrical, because that's my strength, apparently.
Going to Sleep As a Very Small Child When It Was Still Light Outside
I asked you, once
for flutter-bye kisses.
You caught a moth,
in your giant's hand.
Its struggling taupe wings
with branching amber veins
pushed a gale of warmth
across my unsuspecting face.
I want to write the most beautiful
poem about a flower. I want to
compare it to unusual things, so
people will read it and say "gee, I
never noticed that a flower really is
like a half-empty ketchup bottle."
At its most beautiful, a flower will die soon. Its beauty is about
to fade, like the ketchup draining from a plastic bottle.
There will be other flowers in the world, of course.
Also beautiful and blooming and about to wither.
But they won't sit on my windowsill above the kitchen sink,
alone in a bud vase beside the matches from that restaurant.
Another flower will never be as romantic. It saddens me, this flower.
Beautiful and still, like my grandmother's hands, folded
over her chest in eternal prayer.
Force of Love
I want a bear hug
that cracks
a rib.
I want you to drive me to the hospital
and while they x-ray me
I want you to tell them
it was love.
I want the pain of that much emotion.
Magnolia Pod
For Meg
I never knew
the seeds of
a magnolia
are blood
red. But the
only
magnolia tree
I've seen
is near Rachel's
grave.
And red is her
favorite color.
So maybe
the seeds
didn't used to
be that
way.
and lyrics, because why not waste more space?
"Cowgirls Don't Cry"
Her daddy gave her her first pony
Then taught her to ride
She climbed high in that saddle
Fell I don't know how many times
Taught her a lesson that she learned
Maybe a little too well
Cowgirls don't cry
Ride, baby, ride
lessons in life are going to show you in time
soon enough your gonna know why
it's gonna hurt every now and then
if you fall get back on again
Cowgirls don't cry
She grew up
She got married
Never was quite right
She wanted a house, a home and babies
He started coming home late at night
She didn't let him see it break her heart
She didn't let him see her fall apart
'cause Cowgirls don't cry
Ride, baby, ride
lessons in life are gonna' show you in time
soon enough your gonna know why
it's gonna hurt every now and then
if you fall get back on again
Cowgirls don't cry
Phone rang early one morning
Her momma's voice, she'd been crying
Said it's your daddy, you need to come home
This is it, I think he's dying
She laid the phone down by his head
The last words that he said
Cowgirl don't cry
Ride, baby, ride
Lessons in life show us all in time
Too soon God lets you know why
If you fall get right back on
Good Lord calls everybody home
Cowgirl don't cry
- Brooks and Dunn
Current Location: Cranston, RI
Current Mood:  buzzed on sangria
Current Music: Ted Nugent - Stranglehold
Tags: lyrics, meme, writing
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12:00 am
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Happy New Year
So far, not bad. I spent New Year's Eve at a party and came home around 11:30 this morning. Helped take down christmas ornaments and went to dinner with my parents. Still coughing, but less. Got my pictures from Ireland loaded into face book. Well, 80 or so of them anyway. I'll have to go through all the rest and figure out what's duplicates and stuff, and there's a few more I should put on facebook.
Eyes tired, work tomorrow.
Current Location: Cranston, RI
Current Mood:  tired
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11:26 am
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oh i'm gettin nuttin' for christmas....
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In July I farted in an elevator (-6 points). In April I donated bone marrow to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kilanongryphon in a life-saving procedure (300 points). Last Tuesday I helped finaliteration hide a body (-173 points). Last Saturday I broke wierdboy360's X-Box (-12 points). In October I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points).
Overall, I've been nice (101 points). For Christmas I deserve a new bike!
Sincerely,
ladydraykona |
Current Mood:  hungoverish
Tags: quiz
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06:40 pm
[Link] | i love oscar the grouch. He's my hero. He makes no apologies for being a cynical jerk, and loves the people he lets close to him loyally and fiercely. Except for his whole "I hate christmas" thing, we're so alike.
Thanks to YouTube, Bean likes Oscar now, too. :-)
OMG i'm so stuffed full of food. Must... make room... for pumpkin pie...
Tags: kamryn, nostalgia
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05:11 pm
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book meme redux
Rules:
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence
* Post that sentence along with these instructions
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.
"In 1928 the images were published in Urformen der Kunst (translated as Art Forms in Nature)."
Tags: meme
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09:34 pm
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camels and tow truck drivers
*Sigh* It's funny how a good day can be turned around by doing one stupid thing and getting glared at for it.
I still think 25 is a bit young to be a spinster, but I feel very spinstery these days. Guess I should move out of my parents basement and get more pets...
"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a crazed idiot, I just have poor social skills."
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06:21 pm
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Not that anyone would be surprised...
Tags: quiz
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11:16 pm
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this will all sound weird
i wish i were LESS sober, so I could be more coherent.
I stopped Jaeger on the walk home and told him I loved him. I wish there wore more people in my life I could say that to as honestly and heartfelt as a I meant it then.
When I was about 12. I don't know why I say about, I KNOW i was 12 at the time. When I was 12, I passed by a park and there was a girl about my age now (thinner, probably nicer than I am) who was on a swing. Some other kids, about my age at the time, joked about how she must have been a bit "slow" or retarded to be swinging in the middle of the day and taking such pleasure from it. But I love swinging. I know I've mentioned this before (in college). There is just such a sense of indescribable freedom and solidness and escape in being propelled and the movement...
It was a really good night for being on a playground. the moon is almost full and there where clouds. The light puffy cumulus kind. The sky didn't look black, just such an unbelievable depth of blue.
I know i didn't join in heckling the girl who was swinging, but i didn't defend her either. I consider myself intelligent (or at least not retarded) and I took that same enjoyment from being unbound to the earth and my normal catastrophic gravity. I pumped my legs hard and leaned back and watched the sky move around my feet.
who invented playground equipment? who realized that there was enjoyment in primal things like swinging? If there were ever an argument for evolution, it is Tarzan, mimicking apes on their travels through the trees, sliding down slopes and letting themselves go.
Jess said something about the bogeyman being the unknown, what we fear. What about the times we feel free and adrenaline rushes because we purposefully give ourselves a quantified lack of control?
I've got to remember this equation for Ireland, it will hep financially. Eat breakfast, then nothing else but finish a drink before the entree at dinner. Lets me get drunk on only 3 "tall" whiskey and cokes.
In the seventh grade, I had a real problem with typing class. They called it something else, but it was typing class. I type a lot faster when I close my eyes and let words emerge from me like an exhalation then when I have to copy text. I am willing to go back and correct mistakes later instead of cursing my hand-eye coordination for lack of accuracy. Of course, In timed typing tests (Mavis beacon eat your heart out) both count simultaneously. Let's face it, I was born in a world pre-equipped with spell check. I am shackled by technology and cannot rely on intellect or formal training alone.
*another deep breath*
Jaeger is so good, so willing and confident. He's happy just to survive one incident to the next. I took him down curvy slides and he leapt (apparently leapt is antiquated and I should be using leaped, but oh well...) off before the end because his brain doesn't work in spirals - and he still wagged his tail, just happy to be out walking around, trying something new.
Who bridged the chasm of logic that said we need physical equipment to enact what our bodies used to be able to do? Used to have to do before engineering and religion and fear of death took over innate ability to get up and move?
Sentience is hard to define. Morality only words within sentience... I think the thought that prompted this is that i am often sesquipedalian (funny my spell checker catches that but it's a real word) when slightly ossified. and I didn't want to say that humans FEAR death, because fear is trite. I don't fear death. I think that is reserved for people who believe strongly in afterlife and wrathful, vengeful, gods. Why is God (the christian/catholic/recognized-with-a-big-G-and-all one) supposed to be such a strict, overbearing... well, jerk? "His love is absolute, but if you don't follow his rules to the letter, no dessert." The truth seems to me that if you don't believe in eternal damnation of your soul, the "devil" has a lot more to offer.
We're gods creatures, right? Why, in heaven or earth, would god create such a wonderful bundle of nerves as the clitoris if it wasn't meant to be taken advantage of at every possible turn?
I avoid conflict, (believe it or not, that's your choice, but I think I do) and I cannot wrap my head around that one in the confines of any organized religion I've been exposed to in my last quarter century.
"it's [Tuesday] night and the moon is out
Wanna head on over to the twist 'n shout.
Gonna find a two-step partner and a Cajun beat
when he lifts me up i'm gonna find my feet."
-Mary Chapin Carpenter
Current Location: Cranston, RI
Current Mood: fucking duh
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09:45 pm
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Zack and Miri make a porno
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10:22 pm
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Nearest Book MeMe
Random
* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions if you want to.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.
Drow (evil subterranean elves) often take up wizardry, but wizards are quite rare among the savage humanoids.
Current Location: Cranston, RI
Current Mood:  so many things
Current Music: Cat Stevens - If You Wanna Sing Out, Sing Out
Tags: meme
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12:13 am
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from spanglish
"Lately, your low self-esteem is just good common sense."
"-Just what did you hear? - There was a crack in the planet. Man, that was noisy."
I've got another ganglion cyst, and my hand has been hurting lately. A lot. It sucks big time. I've got health insurance now, I'm going to make a doctor's appointment soon.
Work is going okay. Keeping myself busy. There's a bunch of Jewish holidays in the fall, and these ones all seem to fall in October, so at least I get to work from home...
The basic question of any young woman's life: "Is what you want for yourself to become someone so very different than your mother?"
Current Mood:  apathetic
Tags: quotes
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08:54 am
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Writer's Block: International Coastal Cleanup
Well, I'm participating in the MS Jet Pull, so I guess all those planes we're lugging down a runway would normally be flying and instead are not flying over the oceans dumping jet fuel.
Tags: writer's block
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08:38 pm
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Fraggles know how I feel...
Wembley: What's wrong with me, I feel so strange. So sad. So bored. ... I feel weird! It's like being lonely, but you don't want to talk to anybody, and like being hungry except you don't wanna eat. And it's like being sleepy in your head but your feet feel like playing.
Goober: Uh-huh, you feel weird!
Wembley: Yeah. I need help.
Goober: Maybe I can help. I'll get my book of strange moods and weird feelings and see if I can find anything.
Later...
Wembley: i guess I'll just sit here and stare at the ceiling forever.
Goober: Wembley! Wembley, I found you in my book! You have all the symptoms of someone who's life has no meaning!
Wembley: Oh, yeah? Well, I guess I'll just have to get some then...
Goober: Are you kidding? Finding meaning is one of the most difficult things you can do. You have to search and suffer and struggle and strain.
Wembley: Gee, does it really have to be that hard?
Goober: Wembley, yours is a hard, torturous journey. We're not talking about something that's just going to fall out of the sky...
Of course, then the Prince Gorg shakes an egg out of a tree and it falls into the fraggles world and Wembley is the only one who knows that a "baby tree creature" comes out of them. So he sits on the egg, it hatches, and the baby bird calls him mama... but that first part... I've had that indescribable mood so many times in my life...
Current Mood:  weird
Tags: explanation, qotw
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02:45 pm
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Know what's awesome?
Posting this using free wifi on my new laptop from my d&d game.
Yay.
Yeah, I haven't been posting because... eh. Haven't felt like it i guess. Well time to kill stuff!
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11:46 am
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This just goes too far...
Look, I know everyone is all into text messaging and IM and fucking 1337 speak or whatever. But there's a time and a place for it. I, myself, have resorted to well-known abbreviations and less-than-full sentences when the occasion calls for it, or I am pressed into a character restriction per message and don't want to overflow for a few words. (It's the widow/orphan control thing I wish cell phones could handle.)
My fears are coming to fruition. Ever since those ridiculous commercials that are subtitled and the idiot child is SPEAKING only in first letters, I have worried that youths are so immersed in this obscene truncation that they will never learn to properly develop sentences. Today, at work, I received this little gem:
my name is [name removed], I'm trying to buy one of your products ,my problems is ,i don't know what is CSC or SCS when im filling my credit details,plz help me to understand what is it.
ty
[name removed].
To which I replied:
[name removed]
The CSC is the three digits on the back of your credit card - usually in a box on the signature line.
and I got this back:
ok i here but my problem is my card i can only buy with it online cos it not here with me it on it way to me , yes they is three digits dat is on da information they send it to me which is called cvv2 :[number removed] ,is dat wat u talking about?
I think what this customer meant is:
Ok, I hear you. My problem is I can only make purchases online right now because the credit card is on its way to me. In the information on sent to me about the card, there are three digits which are referred to as the CVV. Is that what you are talking about?
Even if they don't put it quite so elegantly, DAT is not a word! What has an H in it! Route is pronounced r-ow-t because damn it, there is a U in the word! gaaaaaaaaah!
My head hurts.
Current Mood:  annoyed
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